Fearful by Lauren Roberts

Here is a summary with spoilers for Fearful by Lauren Roberts

In a prologue, Death is by herself, wandering through her domain, the Mor’s. She ferries souls around, but stops when she feels a pull towards the mortal world. She sees a young man drink a vial. It shocks her, and she decides she needs to go visit Ilya.

Kitt has just decided to drink the plague, despite the doctors telling him not to. He has plans for his kingdom, and the only reason he took the plague was in hopes of becoming more powerful than any of the previous kings.

It has been years since Death personally visited Ilya. But when a royal member of the Azer family decided to willingly give up power, she had to know more about the king. On her way to find the king in the castle, she comes across two other people. She looks at their souls and is intrigued; she wants to watch what will happen to them. As she watches, she finds out that the one who is a guard, his name is Lenny. He is to protect Blair from Paedyn, who will try and kill her when she finds out that Blair is in the castle. Death leaves them, knowing she will come back, because fate has twisted their souls together.

Kitt, still shocked by what his father’s letter told him about the plague and their powers, is still happy with his choice of drinking the plague. Healers continue to visit Kitt, but Kitt does not believe anything they give him will help. The healers leave, and Kitt thought they all left, but there seems to be one healer there. She introduces herself as Mara.

Death, now known as Mara, spends her time wandering the castle, but she spends most of her time watching Blair and Lenny, still intrigued to see what will happen to them. She starts to realize that Blair is making a plan to escape, but Lenny refuses to help her, as it will only hurt his job. But he promises to help her; he just needs a week to come up with a plan that will not hurt him in return. Mara then goes to find Kitt, who cannot sleep. Mara says that she just wants to try and find herself, and Kitt, who starts to like her company, comes with her. While Mara is trying to find herself, Kitt is struggling with feeling like a monster, thanks to his plan.

The next day, Mara goes back to check in on Lenny and Blair. Lenny comes up with the idea that their plan needs to include Blair dying. Lenny does manage to sneak Blair out for some fresh air. They go to the Loot, but Blair gets hurt and Lenny takes her to his mother’s house to heal. Mara likes watching them and is still excited to see where their lives will go.

Mara walks in on Kitt in his study. But Kitt was in the middle of writing letters and just found out that he cannot write the name “Mara.” So he asks who she is when she walks in. She reveals that she is really Death. And Kitt is not afraid.

Mara spends her time wandering again, and she finally runs into Paedyn, as it is her first trial. When Mara sees the girl, she realizes her soul has evaded death often, and she cannot wait to meet her in the next life.

Kitt finds a way to summon Mara, and he does so because he wants to talk with his mom. Mara agrees and temporarily kills Kitt so he can try to do so. Kitt makes it to the Mor’s and finds his father very quickly. His father still belittles Kitt and thinks him to be weak. His father is trying to get to his mother, who is in a tree, which Mara explains means that his mother found peace.

Mara and Kitt make a new pact: Kitt will help her be reminded what it is like to live, and Mara will help him learn how to easily die. As they continue to talk, they talk about Kitt’s nightmares, where he reveals he does not want to go down in history as a monster, especially like Kai. That is why Kitt is doing this whole plan; he does not want anyone to feel like him. He wants to even the playing field for all elites and ordinaries. No more legacies that the next generation is expected to carry out. He thinks that by doing this, he is doing the dirty work (rather than Kai), and he will be able to reap the benefits. Kitt then gives Mara a lesson on how to live. They start baking together but are interrupted by Blair and Lenny. In return, Mara teaches him about the afterlife and tells him the best way to die: gently. Their conversation gets them even closer until they are interrupted by guards saying the castle is on fire. It was Lenny and Blair’s plan, but it has gone wrong. Pae was there and almost kills Blair but does not. But it does leave Blair on the ground and getting hit with flames. Mara tells her to get up, even though she knows Blair cannot see her. Eventually Lenny gets to her and gets her out of the castle. Lenny covers up Blair’s death and goes to reunite with her. Blair is heartbroken, claiming the only good thing about her is her looks, and now her face is marked up. Lenny gives her a healing antidote that fixes a lot of her face and says there is a lot more to like about her than just that. He then convinces her that he is going to go with her to start a new life; they will do it together. Mara is incredibly happy about their relationship.

It is time for Pae’s third trial, the bowl. Kitt watches it happen, but he starts to realize there are gaps in his memory. He pushes that to the side, knowing that this event is a big part of his plan. He needs Pae to die so he can have his brother back. But Kitt is angered that Pae actually killed his brother (although it was not really Kai, but Mak in disguise). Kitt has a newfound sense and determination to save his brother from Pae.

Kitt’s memory is going fast. He never knows where he is or what he is doing; there are lots of gaps. But one day, he realizes that it is his wedding day with Pae, and they both actually go through with it. Kitt’s memory goes once again, and the next thing he knows, he is stabbing a close family friend, Callum. Mara sees this and helps take the soul to Mor. Then she comes back to Kitt and tells him that their souls are intertwined, and that in the days to come, the two of them will rule the Mor’s together. Kitt does not like this revelation and says he does not want that. Mara, who was starting to trust him, gets angry and says he has no choice. Kitt’s soul is hers, and she will not be gentle when he gets to the Mor’s.

Kitt’s memory once again blanks out, and he comes to when Kai stabs him. For Kitt, he remembers the advice to go gently, and dies calmly. He gets to the afterlife. He sits for a long time; he is calm, peaceful, and just enjoying the nothingness. But eventually Mara comes for him and says she only showed him peace so she could rip it away. Then she grabs Kitt and says he was always meant to be king, just not of Ilya.

Five years later, Mara has an apprentice, and her existence seems to have some meaning. She goes back to collect souls and checks in on Lenny and Blair; they have their own bakery. She then runs into a small girl who says hello to her. The child’s name is Kit, which makes her smile. She claims it will not be the last time she greets the child. She thinks about how she cannot be confined by Life. But perhaps by a woman, and she may have just met her match.

Kitt is in training. His father is basically in hell, still trying to find his mother, which gives Kitt some satisfaction that in death, he is better than his father. Mara says he can go visit “her” because it is her birthday. He goes to the old castle and runs right into Kai. He is shocked seeing a ghostly version of his brother. They have a conversation where Kitt tells him it was not his fault and that he is doing just fine. When Kitt gets back, he tells Mara that there is a lot of work that needs to be done.